And finally… Alex Meets Donald

Alex Meets Donald – An Unlikely Tale of Two Leaders

An amusing short story sent into the Voice by one of our very talented readers!

When Alex Salmond was a wee boy he loved reading about Scottish kings and queens. He was incensed by the act of Union in 1745 and vowed that one day he would lead Scotland to independence. He would then be crowned King Alex 1st of Scotland at Scone.

His first step was to join the SNP from where he petitioned Westminster for Scottish freedom. Sadly, Westminster just laughed at him as they had no intention of relinquishing their hold over Scottish whisky and Aberdonian oil.

As his boyhood dreams collapsed Alex sank into despair, and blamed Aberdeen for his misery. But his revenge was quick and sweet. The long- lived King Donald of America wanted to turn Aberdeen into an enormous golf course, and Alex managed to slip a few tartan envelopes to certain officials to ensure the deal was done.

Alex was unaware that Donald was the illegitimate son of the last Scottish King Malcolm. Malcolm had forced Donald to leave Scotland for America during the clearances in 1701 and on arrival to the New World he had seized the throne and had ruled America for the last 300 years. But like Alex, Donald craved the Scottish crown more than anything else.

Once he had secured Aberdeen, Donald enthroned himself King of Scotland at Scone. Many Scottish folk, including Alex, objected to this, so Donald rounded them all up and forced them onto boats bound for America. And now he had his prize – Scotland – America no longer interested him and he busied himself re-establishing ancient feudal systems.

When Alex landed in the States his course was clear. He promptly crowned himself King Alex 1st of America, and arranged for lots of beautiful Scottish princesses called Nicola to look after him.

Everyone loved him, and for years to come American children read fondly of their great king, and dreamt that one day they too might become kings and queens.