by Alison Prince
Happily, the collective media has been chasing after trivia so obsessively this year that it didn’t pursue its usual enquiry as to what efforts we will make at the first clang of the bells to change our ways for the better. Will we resolve to be sensible, thrifty, chaste and virtuous? Well, no, probably not. It never was much of an idea to start with, but while everything else gets madder all round us, the notion of sober and correct behaviour loses whatever attraction it ever had.
Irresolution, on the other hand, is a concept I’m warming to. With the good excuse of being antiquated, I’m finding that decisions can be postponed almost permanently. Sooner or later, sheer necessity will make itself felt, and meanwhile it can be ignored, with a resulting drop in stress levels that is very pleasant. When the household cats demand cat food and the car is running out of fuel and one’s hair is so long that you can’t see out, the necessary steps are obvious. Until that point is arrived at, what’s the matter with the non-making of decisions? Such unnecessary effort is a waste of precious energy.
The Westminster government is supremely skilled at irresolution. In its infinite wisdom, it makes no plans that can’t be dumped at the first whisper of inconvenience. Those in charge of it live in a merry state of spitting in the wind and whistling for luck (while not holding up two fingers to Europe), and nobody says a word except the odd member of the green lunatic fringe. Freedom, the gurus of W1 assert, is a state of perpetual bliss. You can stop worrying about earning when earning stops, right? Problem solved. And there’s no need to fuss about a dying health service and debts and being thrown out of your house, because it happens to so many people that it’s the new norm. Have you noticed how fashionable tents are now? Everybody seems to be living in one. Some of the happiest campers even have libraries in tents, at least until the police bulldoze them. How clever is that, when libraries in solid brick buildings are being shut down all over the place? Obviously the tent mentality (‘tentality’?) is the attitude of the age.
Yes, a new dawn is about to bounce up over the horizon – we may notice it when the rain and blizzards stop. It’s going to show us such inspired governmental insanity that we are all going to become wise overnight, charged with common sense and tough, practical smeddum. We’ll be brilliantly irresolute, ready to do absolutely anything. Self-help is already the name of the day, though it was confusingly called The Big Society at first. Such fun! We’ll all enjoy finding clever alternatives to that tedious old thing called Welfare. It’ll need another name, of course – something sexier, with better shelf-life and consumer appeal. Freefare, perhaps, or Freefall – what’s the difference? I’ve always liked the way parachutists manage to meet up in mid-air and do a kind of 40,000ft Morris dance before their parachutes open and they have to come back to dull old earth, hopefully in one piece.
In the face of the inspired, almost genius-level madness displayed by the London Cameronia, New Year resolutions would be just plain silly, and really rather dull. Manning the barricades might be useful, if you have anything worth barricading, but for the rest of us, inspired irresolution is the name of the game. I suggest we love and cherish one another as fellow-lunatics, however sane we may secretly be. And keep our fingers crossed.
Every good wish to all readers. The best of luck to you all, every one.
